Not one of those groovy hippies, I’m more a wannabe hippy who tends to have an opinion on pretty much everything

It turns out Thomas the Tank Engine’s porcine slavemaster is doing eight years for kiddy fiddling. Easy to say after the fact, but I never did trust him.

Shame on me. Mere days after slating Mrs. Hippy for furniture related torture she lays out a four figure sum on taking me on holiday. I’m a bad, bad man.

It seems we’re going on a cruise, partly because I like water but mainly because she can get some kind of two for one deal from Virgin Cruise Holidays through work, and we both like the idea of seeing lots of places in a single holiday. I’m a little concerned about how I’ll deal with Daily Mail reading retirees every day but herself assures me it’s all very egalitarian and unfussy on board these days, so long as one doesn’t piss in the lido pool or throw cigarettes off the side. Best keep it to four pints a night max then.

It looks like our options are either a Dubai cruise or floating around the Mediterranean, which kind of has me torn. I’d rather spend time in France, Spain, Italy etc than the Middle East, but something about the crassness of Dubai combined with my perceptions of cruising as a holiday for people with more money than sense (not to mention taste) makes Dubai seem like a natural choice.

Anyone been on one of these things? Any thoughts?

Mrs. Hippy and I have been shopping for our forthcoming co-habitation this week, necessitating many visits to the big blue & yellow box at Brent Park. If our relationship survives this it’ll survive anything: one more meatball dinner or twenty minute walk to buy a plate at the far end of the rat maze and I’m going to flip. Scandhoovians pastimes such as alcoholism and suicide are starting to seem mighty appealing.

I’ve suggested she make it up to me by buying a rubber coated sofa but “wipe down” isn’t on the list of preferred attributes for living room furniture, apparently. I blame Laura Ashley for this shocking lack of foresight amongst the modern furniture purchasing public.

Nice one, Hamas.

I was almost rooting for you after hearing all the shite the Israelis have been pulling today, but I’m back to thinking each side is as cuntish as the other now. Thanks for setting me straight.